First (instructor) evaluation comments
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'm going to stick to the sections you've already begun developing; keep in mind, though, that you still need to fill in the others as well as the various required subpages.
- Rather than lump all of the Sierra Club's history into the "Founding" subsection, you might create several additional subsections within the "History" section to help organize your account of the organization's development since the 1890s.
- You might elaborate much more on the "History" section to provide your readers with a richer sense of the historical context in which the Sierra Club was founded and changed over time. As it stands now, the section leaves many questions unanswered: What motivated Muir to found the organization in the first place? How did he go about founding it? Why and how did it spread from California to the rest of the US after the first 60 years? Why did the Sierra Nevada mountain chain need intervention to ensure its preservation? etc. etc.
- The "Current objectives and activities" section reads a bit like a disjointed list of initiatives; it would be far preferable to have brief but satisfying explanations, perhaps with a paragraph or subsection devoted to each one.
- The "Organizational structure" section is also very choppy. You might want to work on elaborating a bit more and making the writing more cohesive.
- I'm noticing many small typos as I read; it would be a good idea to proofread carefully as you continue working on the entry.
Shamira Gelbman 01:59, 5 October 2009 (UTC)
Second (peer) evaluation comments
Obviously you still have some sections that you need to fill out, but I thought that the parts that were there had a lot of good information. It would probably be helpful to organize the information though--its tough to find particular information because you have long paragraphs. If you divide it further into subsections and organize the information, it would be better.
With regard to controversies regarding the Sierra Club, they had some pretty controversial ideas regarding immigration that would probably be good to incorporate into your article. Other than that, you seemed to have a lot of the important information--especially the stuff about their objectives and goals. I would just organize it so it's easier to follow, and of course fill our the rest of the subsections. Kevin Ward 03:16, 2 November 2009 (UTC)